its been only one week
listening to:
death from above 1979
mood:
bubble mint
2005-06-08 - 7:51 p.m.
a week. a week of huffing myself around on gray metal crutches. a week of learning about life without my normal comforts, but instead new comforts. home made lunches that sister sends me off to work with, baby sophie falling asleep on my shoulder, being a damsel in distress and having to ask for help... all the time.
how could i have broken my foot? how did i get here, in the office of sister's house, surrounded with literature and music and dvds piled high to the ceiling?
why am i so very tired? oh, could it be the still, yes, the invasive, demanding, predictable, life-owning, everchanging career that found me? it seems so secure and insecure for those around me. i love it. though it steals from me, and it dances, and pulls and drives and keeps me sane. i guess i can't really imagine life as something else at this time. it may just be my calling to stick it out, to get to the light at the end... wait! is there a light at the end? it can't be for riches... it can't be for love... will they say at my funeral... "wow. she was such a hard worker."
i am going to wear black tomorrow... i feel like i want to wear it everyday for as long as this cast shrouds my melting body. i was doing so well. i will hop right back on that hampster wheel... i will be back, with better and happier and more appreciative notions of what my life is really. and i promise to not get lost in the future, but i promise to enjoy the moment and express what i feel i should.
"what do you get for being shy? nothing. what do you get for being uncomforatble? more uncomfortable."
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