collaging chemicals
listening to:
the strokes
mood:
irritated. sore.
2007-02-02 - 10:46 a.m.
Im in a pretty grumpy mood this morning... its odd, because generally I love friday.... It's the promise of a free weekend and a relaxed flowing day. But today I am furrowing my brow and being pissy. I went to my BFF's house for collage night, and the exercise was to create a collage of what you want your future life to be... the things you want- literally and symbolically, so that you can manifest those things and bring them to reality. If you think about it, this is a very heavy duty art project. This isn't still life in acrylics. This is my life we are talking about. I guess an art therapy session of sorts.
As I started leafing through the Self magazine, and Best Life and Metropolitain Home and Esquire, Fast Company, 944, Plum, Cookie, LA Parent, Lucky, InStyle, Swindle, and more Swindle... I got really upset because I was seeing all of these things I wasn't. And things I didn't have and things I instantly thought... I can never have- but can... that is the focus of this project-- to visualize and manifest. The hot body, the sparkling jewels, the amazing homes, the handsome clean-cut well dressed business savvy wealthy men, babies, babies, kids, diamond encrusted watches, money- things that money buy, exotic destination vacations and beaches and pools and even spirituality. I started to take long deep sighs flipping through the pictures and ripping out what I think I would want in myfuturelife. - (Sorry- I am cutting this off...To Be Continued)...
{{{{my cubemate is bothering me today. his laugh is making me cringe. his eyes shallow, irritable, mean.
i saw [g-boy] two nights ago. i hadn't seen or really even talked to him (except for the random text message here and there) for two months. BFF said we were moving on in '07- but - honestly... the chemicals in my body are raging. For example: the other night at the gym, I was treadmilling along, doing uphill sprints, and was watching all the bodies move and lift weights and look glisteningly awesome. i started to smile and was really just turned on by all the motion and bodies all together. (it was also warm on that particular night-- the AC wasn't churning out as much cool air)... anyhow, the endorphines were flowing, the bodies were moving, the music was roaring from my shuffle, i was sweating, and then... two of my favorite bodies, coincidentally, started doing pull ups at the same time-- (yes, I know I am retarted).. BUT... I got actual goosebumps. I am telling you this, because I just want to exemplify how far out of control the chemicals are in my body. So you can only imagine how seeing [g-boy] made me feel. And I already beat myself up about it, and I already told myself its okay. And I wondered why he was nervous when he arrived. And I continually wonder why every once in a while he threatens to take me to dinner or a movie or do something other than what we do.
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