the plane is leaving without me
listening to:
sigur ros
mood:
grateful
2005-06-25 - 10:26 p.m.
if i was healthy, i would be in the LAX international terminal right now, waiting to board my american airlines flight 238 to San Juan. instead, i just finished watching 'the life aquatic.' it is a sad moment. figuring, i feel like i have worked the past two years to get to this night. that a break from the intense monontony of day in day out, would be the reward for a job well done. its really not about any money, its about time. its about time spent with people i adore. and that is what will be missed the most. it's okay, i tell myself. the next one will be that much better, and that much more appreciated. i just feel like its missed. i missed this one. to be home. to be alone. to find out just what is important. to relinquish any cold, hard edged ideas of independence and relish the love i find in other people. i guess i will just lap up the darkness. some find solace in it. i tend to float along the surface, though the past few entries moods wouldn't express that. there are plenty of things to look forward to. and plenty of 'nows' to laugh about and smile and know that this all won't go on forever. life is short. that is what dad says. it goes by too quickly to even realize it. and if i died tomorrow, i would be happy. and i would be smiling and laughing all the way.
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