Release.
listening to:
mood:
2001-08-17 - 10:57 a.m.
I am a wreck, and the outlet that i have succumbed to is exercise. I have only been in a running routine for about 6 months. I have always despised running. Give me any other sport and i will gladly take on the challenge...But in all its peculiarity, I have committed myself to a running routine, it really wasn't my choice, it just happened that way.
I run around a track like a hamster on a wheel (well, maybe not with that much vigor, but i guess it feels like being on a hamster wheel.) I run until i feel like i will fall over, calves ceasing and lungs collapsing. It hurts my ankles and my knees. but i go on. i concentrate on breathing at first, and once i have a rhythm, then i start to think about the events of the day and try to work out the frustrations i may be having.
breath, breath. sweat drips from my temple. breathing.... i attempt to run out the impediments, or at least run away, leaving them far behind me in the dust. ah what a release, right? wrong... in a symbolic way, i never actually run away from them, because, as i round the track, there i am, in the same place where i left them the first time around. I keep going over the same thoughts that i hoped i would somehow dispel from my mind, body. so, instead of escaping them, i actually run through them, over and over. this is both the frustration and the joy of the track. Rehashing until you stop. Then at the end of the merciless run, there is some relief. Focusing long enough on my hindrances of the day, gives a sense of clarity and understanding.
i now look forward to running on the track like an alcoholic looks forward to the first drink of the day. i like the feeling i have after i run. a clear mind, drained body. i assume this is why most people work out (other than keeping in shape for health and perfecting their own body image). my muscles are tight and tired, and my body seems to be at rest for about an hour or so after running and my mind has some room to breath.
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