officially cancelled.
listening to:
death cab for cutie- the john byrd ep
mood:
about to slit my wrists
2005-06-17 - 12:39 p.m.
my right 2nd metatarsal ligaments had a stress test this morning. i screamed outloud, and clutched the lead pad protector as if it were a life vest. dr. B twisted my foot into angles i didn't know were possible. two quick x-rays and excruciating pain to last a lifetime. oh broken bone. i have the third cast today. i got to see my calf today, and massage the skin and bone and the atrophing muscle that continues to melt away from non-use. the bruising surrounds my ankle and toes and blood rushes and throbs. today marks the 3 week anniversary since the break. it also marks the day that i found out i will have an additional 3 weeks of cast and crutches and asking for help and feeling like a complete idiot most of the time. today also marks the day that i officially cancelled my sailing vacation to the grenadines with some of my most favorite people in the world. i think the captain welled up, or so said the first mate.officially: patron, trampoline & 250lb man= bad idea.
and i try to comfort myself by saying, "these things happen for a reason." sometimes, just by saying that, it seems easier to swallow the bitterness, the self hating, guilty regret that fills my body.
i remember the first time that i heard death cab for cutie play '405.' its a song that makes the hair on your arm stand up. it makes you want to fall in love and break-up all at once.
I took the 405 and drove the stake down into your center
and stated that its never ever been better then this.
I hung my favorite shirt on the floor board wrinkled up
from pulling pushing and tasting. (tasting)
You keep twisting the truth,
that keeps me thrown askew.
Misguided by the 405
because it led me to an alcoholic summer.
I missed the exit to your parents house hours ago.
Red wine and cigarettes
hide your bad habits underneath the patio. (patio patio patio)
You keep twisting the truth,
that keeps me thrown askew.
You keep twisting the truth,
that keeps me thrown askew.
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