checkin in
listening to:
your american math
mood:
moody
2008-07-18 - 4:05 p.m.
as the last little bits of pharmaceutically produced 'feel good' drugs leave my system i feel myself melting down into a quiet dream like place that doesn't really care for all of this. all of this stuff that just uses up the time i have here. synapses slow, bad moods peek in. wonder where this wave will take me.meanwhile. hotman.com tour bus rolled through santa monica the past two nights and dropped off a slew of lovely looking, seemingly eligible men on each street corner.
i am not sure where my head is at right now. just messed up at work again. maybe i am not cut out for this shit. look at me, so spoiled. to have all this and feel like it is nothing at all. pretty trees wave at me from outside, calling, 'come out and play!' i cannot. i have to do these stats, this spec doc, drink this cup of coffee so i can go out tonight, to a bar filled with men, and younger women and me- wondering... will i ever? we say we're prehistoric some nights. maybe i am. feeling sad. and instead of feeling empowered i am feeling mushy and floaty and not sure, unclear. where do you go from here? 6 figure income, independence, boyfriends, family, health, car, home, hope?
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