canal of birthday sentiments
listening to:
new sigur ros
mood:
hi-lo girl.
2006-10-04 - 1:00 p.m.
i wanted to be skinny to feel small and disappear. i wanted to be curvey to look sexy. i wanted to be fit to beat the boys at basketball. i wanted a flat stomach for summertime pictures in bikinis on beaches. i am not sure what i want now.
i had a root canal on my number 2 tooth yesterday. digging out the 2 dead roots, killing the thrird one that was infected and killing the fourth that was somewhat hard to find. digging out the past, and killing the feelings. stopped the pain in my face. the crown will come in november. ive been crying at some point, every day since saturday (today is Wednesday).
My birthday was on sunday. today i feel weird. coming down from adreneline rush craze, vicodin haze, antibiotics, period, messed up head, no workout in two weeks body. my mind just doesn't know where to pick up.
today is my ex's bday. It is also the one year aniversary since i last exchanged any words with him via IM (or any other form of communication for that fact). I remember it had been a couple weeks since we had chatted last. I opened up a chat window and said, "happy birthday!" he responded: "you too." and that was it, i think. I feel sad that we haven't really touched based. i don't know what i would say though... maybe I would say, "hi. how is your life? how's the weather? how is it that we were so close and now, so very far apart? how come you loved me when i let my body go- myself go? why was i so tough? why were you tougher? why did you have to act so angry with me? you always assured me that i was worth it. that i was worth happiness. that i was worthy enough to have a fulfilling relationship, life and family. thank you for that. I wish you are doing well, today, on your birthday and everyday. i wish you happiness and love and good fortune for the next year... and every year there after. happy birthday."
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