sailing breeze
listening to:
still, coldplay
mood:
tongue sticks out in a soft blah deflated way
2005-06-25 - 12:12 a.m.
the breeze blew over my body tonight, and i smelled the ocean, and i felt the sail. and i remembered taking ambien and walkman batteries running out and standing up on the plane, opening the overhead and a bag fell out and hit the woman on the shoulder who was sitting right below. i couldn't catch it. i couldn't save it. the dresser drawers are overflowing and music suggestions haven't come through yet. and cat stevens plays before and after dinner with zas. a santa monica lighter and an IM from dad that said, "that was the best father's day card i have ever received... what a great daughter i have- i am so proud." and jules keeps saying i need to cry this all out of my system, and sue said "i didn't call to make you feel bad. i just wanted you to know how genuinely missed you will be."
the foot is feeling good. i could have gone. could i have gone? the difference between my left leg and right leg is astounding. muscle versus atrophy. i need a haircut. where is jason? how could work become more impossible? how could it be more challenging than the day before, the week before, the year before? and i guess that is what keeps me going. and as i sit, alone i wonder what the future holds. the past few months have been the most intense of them all. and the move is coming and i debate moving from here. get a new perspective and a new lease. a new lease on life. there is so much i want to do. new, better, different. and i am sorry if i messed up. live and learn. you take and give and try to figure out your 15 year old thoughts. and you look back and wonder, "have i really changed at all?" time will come, it always does.
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