yeah, well, maybe...
listening to:
mood:
2002-06-27 - 9:23 p.m.
hey there buddy. uhg. 12 hour days for 3 weeks� so do you think I am being hard on myself? and don�t you know that I know it? and what happened to the girl who lived for enjoying every savory moment of life? hehe. she is on vacation. she split several months back� when I realized, I wasn�t going to get that far in life if I believed in my rock star dreams of love and happily ever after. it does take money after all�and where the fuck did this work ethic come from? my brain? how did I get like this? have I always been so dedicated? so guilty? so articulate and so meaningful in my intentions? if I lived like I work� god, things would be close to perfect. and maybe not� and maybe its just happenstance that I am shrouding myself in corporate American dot.com and the evolution of itself� and maybe I just want to do a good job, and feel like I am worthy at least to the bottom line in the revenue stream. and shouldn�t I be glistening? shouldn�t I be the happy camper? lucky as fuck! good job, new car, clean sheets, cute suede pumas, tight little gap jeans, and youth large indie rock band tee shirts� I thought maybe yes, I try to lay it all out for myself. I try to find it. and as my libra self, maybe I don�t want to find it. maybe I want to hide in the unreal. not face the stuff that real people are about. instead I want to pull my hair out because of the marketing department's arrogance and ignorance. and I , and I, me, me, me. I smile. I�m charmed, I keep going� going, going, going-- gone� when? when do I get to ride off in fantasy land? when does it all start? when? you probably can�t really say� and if you did, you would say its right now... and that, today is all you have so you better enjoy it. 
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