thanksgiving eve prep
listening to:
random on the shuffle- right now-- the go find
mood:
kind of buzzed- thankful
2005-11-23 - 9:45 p.m.
if you ever really need to cry and can't find the fodder to do so... go to your local grocery store, buy an onion and cut that sucker up. make sure you hoover right over it, cause, it will make you ball your eyes out. exercise those tear ducts. anyhow. im very, very excited for thanksgiving. i can't wait to walk into my moms house and smell the wonder and warmth that is thanksgiving. i missed last year with them. it will be sophie's first thanksgiving, she is the cutest ever. the love.
me? ha. well, still working out - missed tonight... i should have gone, instead i prepped for the big fest. i made the yams and prepped the stuffing for assembly tomorrow morning.
i also was asked about a stuffed baked potato and completely freaked out and blew the opportunity which was at hand. i laughed a nervous laugh and tried to talk about work, and avoid the 'on the spot' discussion. i was told i couldn't be resisted. i don't know how to take that. i smiled. i was also asked how i liked it. and i replied, "it is awful, i hate it, it is heartbreaking..." it is a weird world when you try to be so tough and hold in all the feelings that are streaming under the surface. i don't think i have ever accepted that i am worthy enough. deserving enough to have it. Leaving it up to drunken night, random lunch parking lot, 903, 1428, don't know, can't call, craziness after 7 months can't be healthy. but maybe, just maybe- there are lessons to be learned. maybe there are sides of me i don't know, and have to meet. is this a meeting?
i have so much to be thankful for, it is overwhelming. what a good life i have and i am so very lucky and so very thankful for all of all of the family, friends, off the cuff comments, health, food, privledge that i have.
happy thanksgiving to you, and yours.
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