calm right down!
listening to:
Emily Haines & The Soft Skeleton
mood:
still sick and a little sad
2006-10-21 - 11:48 a.m.
the eastbound 10 lights up like a white dressed christmas tree at 7pm. the lights seem to go on for eternity and twinkle into the night. i race by, westbound for the beach following all the reds to reach my little perfect apartment waiting patiently for me to come home. someone was moving their home tonight. their home, driving right in front of me. looked like a 1981 dodge camper van. the exhaust was sickening, especially in this wave of santa ana wind dryness we are having. and since i can't smell much of anything right now, the really potent exhaust of a 25 year old vehicle burns and singes my lungs.
im calmed right down. i cough and sniffle and sleep and drink 'plenty of fluids.' grounded now. no more time off, no more messing around. life is serious, you know.
my grandmother is about to die. she is still living- a strong 84, but sister says she is napping a lot and can't go to the bathroom regularly. sister says the internal processes are breaking down. and she thinks its not long now. i'm hoping she can slip off to the other side peacefully- in her sleep. i can't wait for her to see her darling husband who died 20 years ago. she loves him so. if you mention him, or ask about him, she starts to well up. her true love. im going to miss her. im going to miss her saying, "Run the roads while you can..." I am going to miss her hugs and her giggle and her unconditional love of me. I am sad she may never meet my kids. I am going to miss her so very, very much. Gladys. What a classic name. I mm going to go visit her today.
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