time just passes
listening to:
mood:
2003-09-03 - 10:40 p.m.
i have noticed a few things lately. i have noticed that i work 11 hour days. i have noticed that working that much leaves a lot to be desired. just having dinner... it happens at 930 at night, if at all. working that much also takes a lot away from what the notion of living life is... such as spending quality time with your significant other, family, friends *if they are still around, and self. i have noticed that this is making me a bit resentful. i am becoming one of those people on the freeway, staring at the car in front of me, moving with the flow of traffic- just going through the motions....
then i look at the options, what is there? is there less time at work- so that more time can be spent with loved ones, skateboarding, manicuring, painting, making compliations.... A coworker said to me today, "you have been working a lot lately, not in just the past week, but the past few months. Does your vacation even feel like it happened?" No, it doesn't, it feels like a dream that i had a few weeks ago. the sensation of reality is almost totally gone. spinning.
i have noticed that i enjoy the american analog set album very much. i have noticed that the past three years seem like much a dream, memories are engulfed by career moves, promotions and responsibilities. And where am I now? Feeling like im not successful in any department of my life. can't keep up with the daunting tasks of keeping a company a float, can't make the people around me feel like i am a considerate, thoughtful person.
there is a delicate balance with success and how you plan to live your life, and at some points you feel like there is no turning back, 'this is who i am.' I don't feel trapped though, i do feel like there is so much on my plate that I am getting B- grades in all areas. not quite the A student i was in college.
should i be sad? or is this just growing up? floating. time just passes whether you are paying attention or not.
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