eyes like a showroom
listening to:
tiny smiles (a compilation)
mood:
tired
2005-07-15 - 10:53 p.m.
disorganized and out of focus. chided for bad behavior, bad judgment. attitude and laziness, and plain juvenile instincts. damn those chemicals. how can they suppress all that dark, deep, repulsive emotion so well? it is the real reason that addicts are addicts of whatever addiction feeds them. dichotomy bleeds into me, and indecision reigns. no one reads this anyhow. does it even matter? no. not really. and i continue to batter myself. masochist she would call me. but i don't think i am enjoying this ride. i am actually hating this one. im supposed to be all grown up. all in control and i am struggling to just talk to myself in a normal tone. is this a point where some weird bipolar disorder surfaces and i go on tons of mood altering drugs for at least the next 15 years, then they'll find out nothing is actually wrong and i will sink down into some desperate world of rebirth and lost time and wrinkled eyes and thank everything for just being alive? im so fucking insecure right now. it kills me, cause i actually know better. but for fuck's sake. withdrawl. i light my eyes up like a showroom. make me feel better for just 10 minutes- it might last a lifetime. we change all the time.
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