crossroads
listening to:
mood:
2001-09-18 - 10:31pm
being that i am a libra, i have horrible decision making skills (yes, let me blame it on astrology... it couldn't be for any other reason...) they eventually come, but really, every decision is almost painful... everything from what to order at a restaurant. to where should i move? and what career path should i take?... i find this both a hindrance and a blessing.you won't find me in a dire situation with such vigor attached to something that i am disabled by my love for one thing. you won't find me losing my hair over my job, and you won't find me professing one band or the next for their ingenious, groundbreaking sounds. i don't have an ultimate favorite color and best friends aren't forever, i find.
maybe this makes me dull. gray and boring. some might say i lack a certain conviction.
this is not to say that i am not passionate and experimental, i am, yes i am. I have wants and desires and i can become quite obsessed with things, people and ideas, but all in all... nothing really gets me so wound up. i ask, is this bad? this level of emotional disconnection? "i'm in control." hmm.
i think i come to crossroads with regularity and hesitation. my lack of commitment to one area is my downfall. it seems i am keeping all options open.
(i am not sure why this entry is focused on crossroads. briley came over tonight, she put her cat to sleep today... she was very sad.)
i guess i am writing this, to just tell myself that we all move on to the next thing and nothing is permanent. so i can take a left or a right at this crossroads, and i know i will learn something either way. (fine decision making skills, eh?)
it all slips away, eventually.
i will say though, i don't think that we should go to war. Maybe thats because i am so distant from the realities of NYC... i thought about it tonight... i don't want to see the horror through desensitized television eyes. i don't want to see another slew of war movies, and i definitely do not want to see biological warfare in my lifetime. (notice that all of these things are things i do not want to 'see,' witness, watch.) this crossroads, threatens more than what took place at the WTC. that is my final decision, however it may change. heh.
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